A Complete Negative Utilization of Time

For the last time, yes, I am aware of the fact that I have been spending too much time in the office, but you have to… would you… yes, now would you… oh, for heaven’s sake! Would you give me an opportunity to speak for a second please? Thank you. Now, what I was trying to say is that I have a ton of work on my desk right now and it only keeps on piling up. Why? Because there are idiots in this world who, for some reason that escapes me, think that they have been endowed with a gargantuan amount of creativity. And I have to go through all their works to figure out which ones actually have some talent and which ones are nothing but total crap. Speaking of total craps, I see one coming into my office. Where the hell do these idiots come from I have no idea. Listen, I've got to handle this. I’ll call you back later, okay? Yeah; I’ll try to get back home as early as possible. Take care.

Hi there! Is this a bad time?

No; no; not at all. I was about to hang up anyways. Please; have a seat. My assistant tells me that you tried calling me three times today?

Yeah; I just wanted to know what you thought of my work.

Yeah, well, that’s not how we operate. We go through your work and if we like it, we give you a call back or we send you an e-mail. We do not tell you what we thought of it in our office.

But you told me that you’re going to call me a month ago, when I originally submitted my work.

Well, that’s because I presumed that you were acquainted with the way we conduct our business. Apparently, I was wrong.

So, did you like my work?

Did we call you back?

No.

Did we send you an e-mail?

No.

Well, there’s your answer.

Well, that… that was my first attempt.

And it was a great first shot.

But I have a new one and I promise… I promise you’re going to love it!

That’s just fantastic. Give it to my assistant on your way out.

It’s a short piece of work; just a few pages long. I’m positive that you'll love it.

Excellent. I'll read it as soon as I find some time.

But it's very short. I’m sure you can finish it now.

Excuse me?

It… it won't take all that long.

You want me to read the thing now?

It will only take a few minutes. And you’ll love it!

Oh, for God’s sake! Look. I’m sure I'll love it, but as you can see…

Please! It’s a very short piece of work…

It might be only a word long, but, like I was saying, I am swamped right now, as is obvious from all the papers on my desk.

Look, I know, I fully understand that you are extremely busy, but this is very very short…

My God! Can’t you take a hint?! I’m telling you I do not have the time! Why are you still…

Please. It will only take you a few minutes to go through it, and if you don’t like what you read here, I’ll be on my way out and you’ll never hear from me again.

You don’t give up easily, do you?

People tell me that I'm quite stubborn.

Yeah, it figures. How long do you think it will take?

Like about five minutes.

Okay; fine. Let’s see what you have to offer today.

Oh! Thank you so much! Here it is.

This is it?

Yeah; I told you it was short.

I can see that, but what in God’s name is this?

It’s whatever you want it to be.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

It can be a story or it can be a poem…

Well, to me it looks like a script.

And there’s no problem with that.

Five minutes?

Five to ten minutes.

Well, okay, but here’s the deal: I’ll read your work, right now, and if I don’t like it, you disappear. You do not contact me or my office ever again. Deal?

Deal.

Okay. Now, God only knows why, but here goes…

[FIVE TO TEN MINUTES LATER]

Well? What did you think?

What did I think? Well, to be honest, I thought that I just wasted five minutes of my life.

What? What was the…

And right now, I’m thinking of all the other things I could have done with those five minutes…

But what issues…

I could have gone home five minutes earlier; I could have done a little bit of shopping online; and since I’m already online, I could have made a donation to help out all those in need with just a few clicks. Instead, I chose to spend those five minutes reading something that makes no God Damned sense!

What?

What the hell was that?! What was that?! And what on earth possessed you to think that we’d even consider something like that?!

Well, I thought about doing something new and original and…

This wasn’t a story, this wasn’t a poem, and it doesn’t even look like a script for a friggin' b-movie anymore either! What were you thinking when you wrote this?!

I was thinking about doing something a bit unorthodox.

Well, congratulations! You were completely unorthodox! Mission accomplished! Go ahead and put up the banner on the friggin’ aircraft carrier! Now do me favor and please leave.

Can I know what you thought the problem with it was?

What the hell?

I know…

I thought we had a deal!

I know! But before I leave I just want your opinion about where I went wrong with it.

Do you realize that you’re not only getting on my nerves, but humiliating yourself as well?

Please. I just need to know what the problem with it was so that next time…

There will be no next time! We had a deal!

The next time I write another piece and go to another person, he or she will like the damn thing.

God!

Please.

Okay. Very well. As long as the next person isn't me. Here’s where your problem is…

Wait; let me get my notebook.

Oh, for heaven’s sake!

Look, this is important for me!

Okay, alright; but remember that I’m only doing this so that you will stop bothering me. Got it?

Got it.

Good. Now, in my opinion, the most important thing that your… your… whatever the hell this is… is missing, is a structure.

What do you mean by that?

I mean, I couldn't figure out what it was. What was happening here? Where was this leading to? These were all missing. I did get that this was a dialogue between two guys… which reminds me, you didn't mention a single thing about these two characters: their names, their genders, nothing. The only thing I could gather about them…

Like I said, it’s supposed to be…

Unorthodox, I get it. But there’s a limit to everything. The only thing I could gather about these characters, about this conversation as a whole, is that it took place in an office; one of the character probably has something to do with publishing; the other is probably an aspiring writer who is going nowhere.

See? You got it! You got the entire thing!

No! I didn't get it at all! All I got was that this was a meaningless conversation between two people, one of whom, the writer, has nothing better to do with his, or her, life, while the other, the publisher, was trying his, or her, level best to get the writer out of the office. What was the point of it all? What was the message? Where's the story? Look; I’m all for unorthodoxy, but honestly, I really don't think that this is something people would want to spend a Tuesday night reading. It’s just too… how should I put it… this is just too mundane. Going nowhere; without any plot or point.

Was that it?

Yes. Yes. That was it.

Well. Thank you. I… I really appreciated your criticisms, and I’ll try to work on them.

That’s excellent, as long as you do not show up with your works in this office again. Okay?

Okay. Thank you for your time.

No problem.

Take care.

You too.

Have a good night.

Same to you.

And have a great…

Oh, for God's sake! Are you going to end this or what?!

Rafi Omar